Thursday, December 18, 2008

magnetic poetry round two


The last time we worked with magnetic poetry I really enjoyed it so I thought that I would give it another go.

Prisoner
let the steel rot away
your words too slow
yet form like liquid poetry
your lips create a sacred pool
so warm are your words
keep sailing on into the night
rob me of sanity
my breath is gone
you took my breath away


~
three makes two
when you take the one away
don't try to make sense of it
it's not something you can
control
lose control
let two become one
don't worry
i'll be here
like i've always been
holding your hand
just being there
now it's your turn
come find me





Wednesday, December 17, 2008

finding happiness. ha, i think that's the name of a motivational book...great.

In my A-Z blog I think I spoke of a lot of changes that I would like to make. Every week or so it seems that I find something that I would like to improve about myself. I think the most useful goal to focus on would be happiness, which would involve destressing when need be. I have always pictured my senior year being nothing less than great. I saw it as a time full of fun and adventure, so far however it has almost been the opposite and I've somehow sunk into a depression, possibly because of that. When I came to this realization I attempted to start eating more fruits and vegetables as well as drink more water... That nutrition has got to help something right? I'm even dancing and doing yoga, I've read that that helps depression too. But I've been getting less sleep these last few weeks and haven't been eating much (for a person that has been called skinny on numerous occasions I can eat a lot and so not eating as much kind of worries me). In my life I've gone through phases of apathy and lack of motivation, but they usually don't last long, a week, if that. I just feel like this year I've been in a perpetual state of unhappiness and I want it to just stop. I want to stop complaining about it, I'm sure it gets annoying. I attempted to focus on what I'm grateful for, but my mind always goes back to what I lack and wish I had. I've tried doing things solely for myself, thinking if I did something "selfish" it wouldn't really hurt anyone and I would feel better, but that didn't work. I then tried doing many favors for others, hoping that by doing something nice for them I would feel good about myself. Happiness for all of this was short lived. I don't understand what's going on, maybe I just need someone to talk to, but I feel like I would just be saying the same things over and over. I know that I can't force myself to feel an emotion, but I can look for ways to understand what I'm going through and fix them, thus creating happiness.

Monday, December 15, 2008

A-Z, my 2008

A- Awesomeeee. This was the catchphrase of my friend Ryann from MCAD. She had a way of drawing out the word in a silly way. Needless to say it began uses it the same way quite frequently.
B- Blogging. This is a recent thing that I've taken up via the class "Blogging with Becky" it's something that I hope to continue because surprisingly I enjoy it.
C- Caitie. My best friend, I guess you could say, and pretty much the only person I hang out with outside of school anymore.
D- Dad. My dad and I have a lot in common, he's very near and dear to my heart.
E- Eventful. What I wish my life was, sadly I'm bored the majority of the time. I write this as a reminder that if I want things to happen I can't just wait around for them to me, sometimes I have to go to them... so if I want to be doing a lot of activities and going to a lot of events I have make the effort to do so.
F- Fake. Something I don't like about myself. I feel like I gossip about people and am nice to them the next and I still don't feel completely comfortable in my own skin and so I feel like I have to act like the people around me, and being like them makes me fake because I'm not saying what I really think or how I really feel.
G- Google. It's a very helpful website for all the little things that I'm curious about. It's also pretty useful for research papers : ).
H-Hairstyles. Lately I've been thinking about lots of ways that I can change my hair. Don't get me wrong, I really like my natural color and have always felt that a medium length is the best look for me, but I sort of want to experiement with it while I'm still young. I want to try auburn and then blond with pink underneath, crazy I know.
I- Independent. Now that I'm 18 I feel like I should be more responsible and not blame others for my own mistakes. I've been trying to be independent more and more so when I'm on my own making important decisions won't be as difficult.
J- Guy's whose name starts with J. I usually find myself crushing on a guy whose names starts with this letter, and I'm pretty boy crazy (believe it or not) so it's usually more than one guy at a time. I just think it's a funny coincidence.
K- Kare 11, a news channel that I find myself watching to know what's up locally and nationally.
L- Love. Fascinating, confusing, wonderful, are words that I would use to describe it. Patience, understanding and time are what I feel it requires. I'm in love with the idea of love, I've been searching for it for awhile now.
M- Music. I wake up to it, it's gets me going, pumps me up. It's an emotional release, I blast it when I'm pissed off. It adds to any experience, sound makes movies more interesting, (in my opinion) and motivates people to dance. I'm also a pretty musical person who likes to sing and play a few instruments.
N- Neglect. This year I have been extremely anti-social. I never hang out with my old friends, I never call them or if by chance they call me return their calls, so in essence by neglecting my so called friends I've become a loner. Fun stuff.
O- Open. I strive to be open-minded about things that are new or unusual to me. I'm also trying to be open by telling people how I feel (as cheesy as that may sound) because I always feel afraid to share these things.
P- Photography. I have a habit of losing my camera, and find it when I clean my room. Sadly the last time that I cleaned my room I didn't find it. Wish me luck.
Q- Quiet time. I need a lot of just that to clear my thoughts. When I don't have time to just sit and think and sit by myself I go crazy.
R- Reality. I've drifted from it at many points this year, fantasy just seems so much better, but I know that I can't live my life in a dream world and some day I will have to face the real world, hardships, mistakes and all.
S- Sarcasm. I am so sarcastic so often that sometimes I don't even realize that I've made a sarcastic remark. I should probably work on that.
T- Television. I was once a coach potato, but was able to ween myself away from it eventually. I stopped watching TV cold turkey for nearly a year (because once I turn it on I can't bring myself to turn it on) but this year I've started to sink back into my old habits. I watch TV because I'm stressed and when I get stressed I stop doing anything at all, I freeze up not knowing how to handle the situation.
U- Universities, or rather colleges. (so I guess I'm cheating on this one) Applying to such places and thinking about my future, it's pretty intimidating.
V- Videos. My weekends almost always consist of watching at least one movie. I'm currently taking video production so I'm making videos too. I'm learning just how much work it takes to make a video. It took me at least 3 hours editing pieces of video for an end product that wasn't more than 2 minutes.
W- Winter. My least favorite season because of the cold, but I've learned to adapt to it. I'll have to seeing that next year I might be living in Canada. And if I layer up it's actually not that bad.
X- Xerox copies. My mom tends to make a copy of anything she deems important, which includes a lot of my old poetry and artwork. I guess I should be proud that she wants to do that, but I sort of feel embarrassed, I also see it as sort of a waste of paper.
Y- Youtube. I've recently been able to immerse myself in videos galore, until this point I hadn't been able to watch videos on youtube due to the uber slowness of my computer, I really can't stress how slow it is. I'll just say one word: dial-up. BUT on weekends I am lucky enough to watch as many videos as I want on my dads new and improved HIGH SPEED!!!
Z- Zzz =sleep, or my lack of it. If I don't get at least 10 hours of sleep I feel like a zombie the next day. The last couple of weeks I've found myself starring at my alarm clock at 12:30 a.m and cursing my brain for not being able to turn off.

Monday, December 8, 2008

drunk again

Topic ideas:
.greek myth modernized
.small town happenings
.A DRUNKEN NIGHT
.a journey in a foreign land

Rodney and Alison walk hand in hand down the same road that they always wander past, the familiarity of the routine is comforting, but at they same time both are starting to get bored and not just with the road, but with each other. They are both staring off into space, in two different worlds thinking completely different thoughts. Alison is thinking of how much she misses summer, how carefree it is, unlike now with the pressure of finals. She feels like one bad decision could leave her in shambles. She can't afford to make any mistakes. She has pushed herself so hard to be a doctor, it's been her one and only goal all of her life it seems, but the future seems so uncertain to her now because she's not getting answers. She had never been in a truly serious relationship before because she knew what a distraction it would be. It wasn't planned, but somewhere along the line she fell in love with Rodney. She fell in love with his silly half grin, and the way he got before telling her about his half-baked, wacky ideas. She knew she was a goner when she couldn't stop thinking about the next time she could kiss him, when it consumed her thoughts so much that she didn't hear the professors lectures anymore and they started to ask her in a concerned manner if everything was okay. This went on for some time, years even, and she went from being the top of her class to averaging C's. She sort of resented Rodney for that because she knew she could never go back, and now he was drifting away. None of her plans seemed to be going her way anymore. Now she feels like she needs to pressure Rodney into telling her where he sees the relationship going. She wants to get married, but does he? Is he as committed to the relationship as she is? She's given up everything to make it work between them and is starting to wonder how much he can really give her. While Rodney contimplates feelings of indiciveness, feeling lost, and like he doesn't belong here. He feels like he's doing what everyone else wants him to do and because of that he doesn't know what he wants anymore. But none of that matters as the snow gently falls on their hats and coats. The snow makes them smile because it brings them back to freshman year of college. Rodney glances down at Alison and she looks up at him, he towers over her by at least two feet, and at that moment they know they are thinking the same thought. That's the good thing about being with someone for such a long time, you can hear what the other person is saying without them saying a word. They begin enjoying themselves until they hear the muffled sound of Rodney's phone ringing. He doesn't intend to answer it, he already knows who it's going to be. "Come on, just answer it." Alison urges. Resistance is futile he realizes, Alison is too stubborn, he never wins with her, and so though annoyed, he answers. "Hey man, what's up?" It's who he thought it was, Eliot, his best friend from high school. Eliot calls every weekend to ask the same thing if Rodney wants to party. Eliot doesn't seem to get that Rodney has moved on, Eliot wants to re-live high school and hasn't really matured since then. Eliot is slow to respond. "Dudeee, major party tonight, are you coming or are you gonna be a pussy like always?" It's offical, Eliot is baked like a cake. That's no surprise. What is a surprise is that he hasn't been kicked out school yet, somehow he still hasn't fried his brains and manages to get a B average. "Maybe dude, I'll see what I can do." is Rodney's typical response which he uses yet again. This time he's really considering going because he doesn't want to have a typical Friday night, he wants to forget his problems for a night. Eliot seems sobered up a bit as he says "Alright man, just don't forget to ask permission from your mom, you might get grounded." he says refering to Alison who he has never liked. The first time they met he could sense that she was judging him which he hated and so he was rude to her to "teach her a lesson". Which cases Rodney to lash back in anger, "You know what? Maybe I will come!" You can hear Eliot's approval as he says "Good. I think it would be good for you. You're so serious all the time. Me casa, be there at ocho, I want to talk to you." At this point Rodney hangs up on Eliot. Alison rolls her eyes, "Let me guess, that was Eliot and he wants to partayyy?" "Yeah and I think I'm going to go." Rodney says still angry. "You can't be serious." Alison says in shock. "Why not? You don't approve? I'm a big boy." Rodney vents. "Well you're certainly not acting like it. I'm going home. Call me when you're done having a tantrum." Alison says before she starts to walk away. At this point Rodney would usually chase after her appologizing, but he is too heated. He needs to let off a little steam. He punches a brick wall which causes his knuckles to bleed. Alison looks back in anticipation of seeing Rodney, but he's no where to be found. Her feelings are hurt, but she has to much pride to admit it, she walks even faster back to her apartment. When she gets back she tells her roommate and best friend Amanda everything. Amanda nodds her head simpathetically at all the right points while secretly thinking that Rodney isn't good enough for Alison. "Come on honey, let's get you all dolled up, we're going to have a girls night!" Amanda says with as much enthusiam as she can muster. Alison is reluctant. "I don't know. I don't really feel up for a night on the town. What if he calls? I want to be here." "You can't keep waiting around for him. You deserve a little fun." "Oh alright, I suppose one night of fun won't hurt." Rodney decided roaming around campus would be the best thing to do at the time being. The cold didn't bother him, his anger was like his own personal heater. After a while he was able to stop thinking and just observe his surroundings. The snow covered rooftops, the kids making snowmen and building snowforts, the frost on the store windows. He loves this time of year because the cool air always keeps him awake and full of energy. The walk almost lifts his spirits, but then he sees the liquor store and realizes that it's almost time to go to the party. Rodney casually drops into the store to pick up some cheap vodka, he's sure that it will be needed. Rodney recognizes the store clerk and laughs to himself because this is the same guy he used to show his fake id to in high school, they were acquanances until he quit the party scene. Ted squints at Rodney for a few moments trying to gather where he knows him from and then it hits him. "Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes. Rodney, my boy, how have ya been holding up?" "Just fine sir, and yourself?" he says as he fishes for his id. As he's about to place the id on the counter Ted lets out a hardy chuckle. "You've been 21 for how many years? Do you really think that I need to see your id?" Rodney laughs back. "I guess not. So how could you tell that I wasn't 21 back then. I thought I was pretty convincing." "Oh you were I recall, it was that Eliot character you were always hanging around that gave you away. If you were to come in by yourself I never would have guessed, you sure looked 21. I mean you were tall enough and had a goatee. I'm sure it helped with the ladies too." "Haha, I guess so. Listen man, it was good catching up with you, but I should get going." "I suppose so, you party animal you. Have fun!" "Just not too much" Ted adds as Rodney walks out the door. "Oh I will. You have no idea." Rodney mutters to himself in a somewhat dark manner.

On his walk to Eliot's, Rodney makes the executive decision to get the party started early, he opens one of the bottles of smirnoff. Rodney grimaces at his first few chugs of the vodka, he's never liked the taste as much as beer or rum, but right now the taste doesn't really matter to him. With half a bottle gone Rodney isn't even tipsy, it appears his reputation for being able to hold his liquor proceeds him. Rodney pauses at Eliot's door step, does he really want to do this? "What have I got to lose?" he figures, as he's about to knock on the door Eliot opens it, he must have seen Rodney standing out there. "Come here" Eliot slurs before giving Rodney a bear hug. "It's good to see you! What have you been doing with yourself lately? Actually forget that I asked, I already know, but it is good to see you." Rodney knew it was a good idea to start drinking before he came here, same old Eliot, just with more facial hair. Rodney judges the best thing to do at this point would be to crack a joke and so the first thing that comes out of his mouth is "I would saw the same thing, but I can't even see you under all that beard." Eliot roars with laughter even though the joke wasn't very good. Rodney shrugs, "I guess things just seem funnier when you're drunk." he thinks to himself. After his laughter ceases in a way that is more matter of fact than cocky he says "I know, isn't it great?" still beaming he motions for Rodney to come in, even though he has already stepped inside. Not sure what to say Rodney just says "Sure. So listen, I got some Smirnoff, I figured it'd be a good mixer. You have pop right?" "No man, actually I'm all out. I'm pretty much tapped out of alcohol too. Would you mind running that errand with me? It'll be like the good ol' days, we can even chat up Ted, he still works at the same place you know. He's a pretty cool guy, for an old geezer I mean." "Yeah, I actually ran into him earlier, but I wouldn't mind seeing him again. And you wish you could be as cool as him when you get that age." Eliot nodds, "I do, I do."

"Haha, that guy is too much." Eliot declares in between chugs of whiskey. Rodney couldn't agree more. Ted had gone home early and his snotty nephew Daniel was left in charge. The whole time Eliot and Rodney were in the store, Daniel stood there eyeballing them as if they were going to steal something. Even as Eliot fished for his wallet Daniel stared at him with obvious disdain. "I almost felt like stealing something just to shove it in his face. We obviously weren't going to, we've been good customers there for years, and it's not like he didn't recognize us." says Rodney started to get worked up. "I know. You should have, it would have been priceless. Then again he would call the cops on you in a blink of an eye." "This is true, but to tell you the truth I don't think I would have cared all that much if I did." "You would care! You know I'm right!" Eliot says obnoxiously. "Okay then. I'm just going to take that bottle from you. Sharing is caring and you've had quite a bit." "It's not too much unless you're passed out. Drink tell you drop I always say." and then he accidentally spills a good amount on his black and red ecko hoodie. "See, you're wasting it." Rodney punches his arm and then grabs the bottle. Eliot swings back, but Rodney ducks. "You can't touch this." retorts Rodney in a cocky manner. "Oh yeah?" replies Eliot with a raised eye brow. "Watch me." and then Eliot plows Rodney into a snow bank. Rodney works his way out of the snow slowly, dusting it off for a good five minutes. "Not cool." At this point Eliot is on the ground in a fit of laugther. In between gasps Eliot says "Ohh that was too funny." he laughs again. "Kind of like this?" responds Rodney before throwing a snowball at his face. Eliot doesn't even care, he shrugs and says "Yeah, kinda like that." With that in a team effort they then pick up the bags filled to the brim with alcohol and head back to Eliot's place. When they get inside they see that people have already arrived. Sidney and Bob are on the sofa and appear to be in the middle of a deep philosophical discussion, when really they're just stoned. A few other people are strewn about the house doing various things. The stereo is blasting some weird techno beats. Rodney forgot that Eliot never locks his door and that he draws in a strange and interesting crowd. Eliot seems to recognize the song as he bounces up and down "Yeah, that's my jam!" "Hey!" everybody in the room shouts in unison, they are just noticing Eliot and Rodney's arrival. "Awesome, the liquor's here. Did you get anything good?" a girl with bleach blond hair showing way to much skin asks as she tries to peek into the bag. "I sure did sexy. Let me just put in down over here and then you can dig in." he motions to the floor next to the fridge. HE makes no attempt to hide his glaze as he stares at her ass when she's bending over. Rodney just smiles and shakes his head at Eliot's behavior. And then he sees her, his ex Sarah. She looks better than ever and she isn't even trying. Her skin has a golden glow, her lips are a natural berry color, and her eyes seem to be twinkling. Rodney never really got over Sarah who was his high school sweetheart. Sarah broke up with Rodney when she found out that she got accepted to UCLA. She said that she didn't want to get in the way of him wanting to be with someone else which might happen because of the distance, he knew that she really meant in case she found someone else. She seemed to look quite happy with that guys arms around her. He looked like a dumb jock. He was even taller than Rodney and was built, Rodney could tell this of course because the guy had on a tight white tee shirt. Rodney couldn't help but judge the guy in ten seconds flat and he hadn't even been introduced to him yet, then again he hadn't spoken to Sarah yet either. Rodney thought it would be best to avoid her as long as possible so he made his way up the stairs.

Alison spend a good two hours getting ready, she tried on all the clothes in her closet, but didn't see anything she wanted to wear. "All of my clothes are so boring. The only cute thing I have is that silver shirt with no back, but Rodney gave it to me, so I don't feel like wearing that right now." Alison looks at Amanda expectantly. Amanda seems to look reluctant before saying "Okay, I give in you can take a look in my closest to see if you can find something." Amanda stutters at the thought of all of her ruined designer clothes that she has let Alison borrow, but she knows that Alison could use some cheering up and so she lets her. Alison looks uplifted when Amanda agrees to let her scrounge through her closet. "Great, I love all of your clothes." "I know you do sweetie." Alison settles on a red dress that laces up in the back. "Now for your hair and make-up, do you want me to do it for you?" Amanda asks even though she already knows that answer. "Sure!" says Alison. Amanda straightens Alison's hair and gives her smokey eyes with tons of mascara. Amanda has mastered this look after countless nights of partying and clubbing. Amanda never leaves the house unless she looks perfect. Right now she has an edgy cut with her hair dyed auburn and she gave herself cat eyes and a little bit of lip gloss. Amanda did Alison's hair and makeup more intricately because she wanted to make her feel like she was getting special treatment, which she was. "All done. I really love the highlights in your hair by the way." "Thanks." Alison beams, "I think I'm ready."

All of the alcohol that Rodney consumed first effected his bladder, he headed to the bathroom, luckily there wasn't much of a line, one person waiting patiently. The kid must have been about 13, Rodney wanted to tell him to go home and go to bed. Rodney waited about ten minutes before pounding on the door. "Open up. I've really got to piss." he pressed his ear against the door and heard a grown and then the sound he was certain was someone throwing up. "Ugg, great, a sick person. Guess who's going to have to clean in up... wait, not me. I'll just make this kid get a mop." Rodney thought he was just thinking it, but he must have said it out loud. The kid shrugged and headed downstairs. Rodney opened the door slowly, inside was another ex of his, Alex. She had once been a beautiful and spunky redhead, but now she looked completely different.

Friday, December 5, 2008

unemployment shock

553, ooo unemployed is a shocking number and an appalling situation. It's unbelievable to see our country, that has always been such a strong one, going through such hardships. The news feed our fear as they question "Is this an economic crisis, how bad will it get?" and economy advisers give vague or troubling responses. They don't even know when our economy will shape up. My mother has been looking for a job for roughly a year (with a few road bumps) which makes me nervous for her when she doesn't have my social security check to help pay the bills. I have a job now that I'm not too fond of, but am reluctant to change jobs because there aren't many available. I'm worried that if I get a new job I will be layed off first because I've held the position the shortest amount of time. And that's just the effect it has on my household. Many of my friends have been in search for a job for quite a while as well. Numerous people like my friend C have to find another job just to pay the rent. I can't imagine what larger families are going through. I wonder what people have to go without in order to survive. It's kind of scary to think, if this isn't rock bottom what will be?

Update on employment news, did anyone hear about the number of health care facilities that had to let people go because patients weren't coming in as often? I find this outrageous.

Me, my blog, and I

Today's task: Evaluate my blog.

When I compose a blog my hope is to come across as smart yet still light hearted. I highly value intelligence, and strive to be knowledgeable and perceptive. I also value the ability to be easy going and have a good sense of humor. For this reason when I say someone is witty I feel it's pretty much the ultimate compliment. I feel that my blog is well composed. I try my best to have good spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I normally just proof read what I'm typing as I go along and don't re-read the entire thing after I've finished. Then later I notice one thing off with the blog and edit it. Sometimes I leave the run-on sentences because that's just the way that I write. This blog entry feels pretty sloppy to me, but I still feel pretty mentally exhausted so I'm slightly apathetic to that fact. I've shared a few things that I feel are personal in my blog because I feel that for people to truly know me they have to know some of my deeper thoughts, secrets, and things that I spend more time thinking about. I think that with everything I write descriptiveness leaks out even if I don't mean for it to. I write what I think and I think in pictures. I'm sure that I have a voice, I don't know what it is exactly. I've posted every blog required so I think that shows my commitment. I don't think I'm what most people expect me to be.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

his blog, her blog, your blog

{The blogger that I looked into today seems to have a very unique personality. She has odd interests that I find endearing and quite fascinating :]. Her blogs reveal a vunerable side, giving me a bit more insight into who she is. I feel closer to her by reading what she has to say (that came out sounding kind of creepy). Her use of language is very her. The style comes across as witty, the spelling+grammar is decent. She has vivid writing, often full of emotion. I think her intended audience is mostly for Becky and peers. Her blogs seem to all have the same style, there's definitely a voice there. I wish she would post more frequently, I like what she has to say!
I think this blogger is formal when she needs to be, but she mostly just writes the way she wants to and that tends to be casual.}

self loathing. sleep it away.

Lately I've been in a major funk. Today I feel really rotten. I just want to fall asleep and wake up to good times and happiness, a time where things seem good again. My perception of life feels really bleak, I feel depressed and don't understand why. It's not like my life is horrible, it's quite good in comparison to others hardships, but I still can't shake the feeling of sadness and some anger. I'm trying really hard to stop feeling like this, but nothing seems to be working. I hate that. What am I doing with my life? I'm already 18 and feel like I've done nothing to truly impact the world. I want to do great things. I want to be famous, but I'm just me. I want life to be an adventure, but my life feels so dull and repetitive. I sometimes feel like a failure. I have major self esteem issues at times, mostly on days like this. I'm constantly losing or forgetting important things, and wonder how I would deal if I actual had a busy life. I'm upset with myself and the way my life is going. I keep saying that I will do things out of character, out of the norm, and not care what people think, but I always play it safe. I think of all the possible downsides to a situation and then I don't go through with it. I don't like risks. Risks that reveal who I am, scars and all, because I feel ugly on the inside and can't let anyone else see that part of me. Afraid to fall, can't handle rejection. I've slowly become more open than I used to be, but I don't feel like it's enough. I can never do anything good enough in my own eyes and it really hurts. I wish I could just let go. I want to scream, but no, I have to say composed. I really want to just say "fuck it" some days and not get out of bed, what's the point? I know I'll regret it later, so I get up grudgingly. I know things get better eventually. Will there ever be a day that I don't have to look to the future for happiness, can't it be now?

magentic poetry

Magnetic Poetry goes here:

(1)
scream, throw,
only see some music,
pop,
metal.
you're too young,
so they say.
observe old rhythm.
question genius.
why suffer his pain?
approach beauty.
free, wild, and real.
surreal soon.
original icon dead.
you feel
raw,
vividly mad.
our life is a mess,
at best.
sing softly.
break this
always rigid demand.
form dream
through my passion.

(2)
represent
which you understand.
alleviate
your valid sound.
never see too soon.
must reach curious.
delve.
solution through mind.
say my opinion scholar.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Surrounding language

The language I'm immersed in seems to be a variety. Most of the people around me speak in some sort of slang and often times use incorrect grammar. I must admit that it bugs me a bit when people use language in the wrong context, but I suppose I shouldn't say anything because I don't have the best spelling or grammar either. I also have friends who you could call grammar freaks who make me feel like I need to spell check everything I send to them. I feel like there's going to be judgement no matter how I speak so I try to speak well. By presenting myself this way I appear more educated, or smart if you will. The same goes for when other people speak well. I respect people more for speaking this way, even in comfortable settings. On the other hand to some people that would seem pretentious. When someone says something like "ain't" you have to wonder if they are choosing to use that word, or if they really don't know that they should have said "is not, are not, or am not." I suppose the key to language is code switching, adapting your dialect to the situation.

Words from yesterday~
cantankerous: bad-tempered
machismo: manliness
lingua : tongue
*I can't really see myself using these on a regular basis, I just thought they were fun words.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Thanksgiving Weekend

Thursday- I'm a vegetarian so Thanksgiving generally isn't a big deal to me (seeing that it revolves around turkey), but I wanted to get in the spirit this year as well as enhance my cooking skills, this year I wanted to prepare a traditional thanksgiving meal. My dad and I had quite a large selection of food for two people to eat. I'll be honest and tell you that I was pretty grossed out by the turkey at first. I became squeamish at the thought of spreading butter and poultry seasoning inside of the skin, but I "sucked it up" and just did it. I didn't mind it as much after the initial disgust when touching it, in that small amount of time I guess I got used to it. Other items on the menu included: antique broccoli, which is mostly broccoli and carrots with melted cheddar cheese sauce, grated parm, and bread crumbs. Celery and onion stuffing, mashed potatoes, and a cranberry pineapple desert. We also made pumpkin pie from scratch and added vanilla ice cream on top of it. All and all a pretty good meal. My least favorite was the antique broccoli, not sure what it was about it because I usually really like broccoli and cheese. My absolute favorite thing was definitely the pie. It was sooo good! We had an early dinner because by the time everything was ready to eat we were starving. After that I spent the rest of the night watching tv shows on the computer.

Friday-Don't remember. That's kind of scary. Sometimes I find that I don't remember entire days and that leads me to the question, what the hell is wrong with me? And I know what you're thinking, it wasn't a blackout, which makes this forgetful business even more of a mystery. I'm pretty sure I went to work though.

Saturday-Lazed around in pj's. Had Thanksgiving round 2 with my mom and my uncle Steve (mostly consisting of leftovers from the Thanksgiving with my dad). My uncle gave me his old Mac :)! I was expecting a computer from the early 90's, but was pleasantly surprised to find a fairly new computer.

Sunday-My day consisted of the eternal process of cleaning my room. The reason I have found for constantly cleaning my room is that each morning I spread out multiple articles of clothing on my bed to decide what to wear, then of course I don't have time to put everything back because in the morning I sleep in as late as possible (giving myself that extra then minutes of sleep, it makes a life changing difference, didn't you know that?). That night I'm too exhausted to put the stuff away and so it gets pushed off onto the floor. This happens all week, hence the clothing pile on my floor. Weekends I usually have a few hours to tidy up and if I'm not too lazy I do so. I also went to work and worked on my blog. As I was about to go to bed early I remembered that I should get on amazon to make some Christmas purchases while the black Friday sales were still on. At this point I was in a state of sleepy confusion and didn't buy anything after all. 10:00-I attempt to fall asleep. 12:30- still awake, shit, I'm going to be tired tomorrow and I have to stay up late because I close at work. Stress.

Now for the rest of the assignment...
cantankerous: bad-tempered
machismo: manliness
lingua : tongue
These were all pretty easy to figure out, but they were new to me.

Part of my everyday vocab:
.definitely
.lame
.awesome
.that sucks
and
.for sure
= Recycled sayings.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Things to be thankful for

Most of the time I complain about what I don't have rather than appreciating what I do have, but seeing that Thanksgiving has just past, I focused on what I am grateful for. I am lucky to have parents that give me unconditional love, and who are always there when the going gets rough. My mom has always been there if I needed to talk about anything , and my dad is probably the most generous person that I have ever met. The rest of my family is also very giving. I can count on my family for support. I am happy to have a couple of good friends who I can share both happy and sad times with. I value my education and am grateful for all the great teachers that I've had throughout the years. I am thankful for all of the life lessons that I've learned so far. I'm thankful for books, and music. I love food, so I'm grateful for that too. I am thankful for all the people who have influenced my life, for better or worse (making me who I am now). I am glad that I am young, and healthy, with a big ambition. I'm happy just to be alive, to be able to breath, and experience all life has to offer.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Testing I could do without

For Becky's questions about standardized testing:

I think my response to standardized testing is the same as everyones, annoyance. Though I dislike these tests and testing in general I strive to do my best on them. I eat a hearty breakfast and attempt to get extra sleep the night before (I'm often nervous if I know it's an important test and tend to get less sleep because of it.) I don't think taking these tests proves much and I don't think that future generations will care all that much if I pass them because it's almost expected. My peers and I are first expected to graduate high school, then gain a college degree, if we don't chances are high that we won't get the job we want. I feel these tests are unnecessary. Why can't we just pass the ACT or the SAT and be done with it already?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

How Christianity effects America

The topic I'm thinking about pursuing is "How does Christianity (past and present) currently effects Americans?." I am by no means religious, but I am aware that Christianity does have an impact on our lives. My question is, how much?

-DAY ONE-

I decided to give this topic a chance. When I turned to google with my question the first thing that popped up was separation of church and state. So Today that's what I learned a bit about, the separation of church and state, which is a legal and political principle derived from the First Amendment of the Constitution which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . ." The phrase "separation of church and state", isn't actually in the Constitution but is traced to a letter written by Thomas Jefferson to the Danbury Baptists (1802). The letter read as follows. "We have solved, by fair experiment, the great and interesting question whether freedom of religion is compatible with order in government and obedience to the laws. And we have experienced the quiet as well as the comfort which results from leaving every one to profess freely and openly those principles of religion which are inductions of his own reason and the serious convictions of his own inquiries."

Much later the interpretation of the separation of the church and the state branched out to the school system. In 1962, the Supreme Court analysed the issue of prayer and religious readings in public schools. In the case of Engel vs. Vitale, the Court determined it unconstitutional for state officials to compose an official school prayer and require its recitation in public schools, even when it is non-denominational and students may excuse themselves from participation. Also, any teacher, faculty, or student can pray in school, in accordance with their own religion. However, they may not lead such prayers in class, or in other "official" school settings such as assemblies or programs, including "non-sectarian" teacher-led prayers which prior to this case were mandatory. The petitioners contend, among other things, that the state laws requiring or permitting use of the Regents' prayer must be struck down as a violation of the Establishment Clause because that prayer was composed by governmental officials as a part of a governmental program to further religious beliefs.

-DAY TWO-

Friday, November 21, 2008

The largest religion in the United States is Christianity (no surprise there), practiced by the majority of the population (nearly 76.5% in 2001). Approximately 51.3% of Americans are Protestants, 23.9% are Catholics, and 1.7% are Mormons (the name commonly used to refer to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), and 1.6% to various other Christian denominations. Christianity was introduced to what is now the United States during the period of European colonization. Anglicanism, Baptism, Calvinism, Puritanism, Presbyterianism, Lutheranism, Quakerism, Amish and Moravian Church were among the first to settle here, spreading their faith in what was then a new country. The French, Spanish, Lebanese, Irish, and Italians brought Catholicism. And Northern Europeans introduced Protestantism.

The strength of various sects varies greatly in different regions of the country, with rural parts of the South (except Louisiana and the Hispanic
community, which both consist mainly of Catholics), having many evangelicals but very few Catholics, while urbanized areas of the north Atlantic states and Great Lakes, as well as many industrial and mining towns, are heavily Catholic, though still quite mixed. Mormons are predominant in Utah, and are present in significant numbers in neighboring states.

Despite its status as the most widespread and influential religion of the US, Christianity is undergoing a continuous relative decline in demographics. While the absolute number of Christians rose from 1990 to 2001, the Christian percentage of the population dropped from 88.3% to 76.5%


-DAY THREE-

I didn't have much luck finding info, I did however find a timeline for Christianity. I'll continue to look for sources after school. Some of the events on the timeline are irrelevant to the topic, but they were epic.

I originally copied and pasted the timeline in my blog, but it was uber long so I thought I would save you the trouble. Basically Jesus was born in 4 B.C... which doesn't make sense to me because B.C stands for before Christ, begins ministry in 27 A.D, crucifixion in 30 A.D. Empires fall, important books are written, important people are born and die, countries gain independence, the issue of slavery splits religious groups, birth control approved by FDA, etc. The truth is there were too many names to keep track of and I got bored.

-DAY FOUR-

This info was found on wikipedia. The phrase "In God We Trust" first appeared on a U.S. coin on the 2-cent piece of 1864, and has been on all coins and paper bills since 1957. It was declared the national motto by Congress in 1956. The one dollar Federal Reserve Note of October 1957 was the first U.S. paper money with the motto. The U.S. Pledge of Allegiance was modified in 1954 to add the phrase "under God". So much for freedom of religion. Survey results below show the percentage of people that believe in God.

A 2006 online Harris Poll of 2,010 U.S. adults (18 and older) found that 73% of those surveyed said that they believed in a God, 11% said they believed there was no God, and 16% said that they were not sure whether or not there was a God. The believers in God included 58% of respondents who said they were "absolutely certain", and 15% who said they were "somewhat certain" that there is a God. The believers in no God included 6% who were "absolutely certain", and 6% who were "somewhat certain" that there is no God. About 29% believed that God "controls what happens on Earth", while a plurality (44%) believed that God "observes but does not control what happens on Earth". The poll also showed that an "absolute certain" belief in God is correlated to age: only 43%-45% of those aged 18-29 were "absolutely certain" that God exists, while 54% of those aged 30-39 were "absolutely certain" that God exists, and 63%-65% of those aged 40 and older were "absolutely certain" that God exist.

Politicians frequently discuss their religion when campaigning, and many churches and religious figures are highly politically active. However, to keep their status as tax-exempt organizations they must not officially endorse a candidate. There are Christians in both the Democratic Party and the Republican Party, but evangelical Christians tend to support the Republican Party whereas more liberal Christians and secular voters tend to support the Democratic Party.

Every President, with the exception of JFK (a Roman Catholic), was raised in a family with affiliations with Protestant Christianity. However, many presidents have themselves had only a nominal affiliation with Protestant churches. Several early holders of the office were Deists, with at least four presidents being Unitarians, and several, such as Thomas Jefferson, having no formal affiliation.

Only three presidential candidates for major parties have been Catholics, all for the Democratic party.

Sorry Becky, hardly any of day fours findings are in my own words.

*So there you have it 4 blogs about Christianity in America. Sorry if the info is scattered, organizing it more than I did would be far too time consuming and I've already put a lot of time into this topic. I have yet to determine if the fact that Christianity is the most popular religion in the U.S the sole reason it has such an impact on our lives. Thoughts anyone?







Saturday, November 15, 2008

those three words

I acknowledge that this is an overplayed pop song, but I think it's incredibly sweet.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
-Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars"

Yes I like pop. Though you may argue that it has no depth, you have to admit it's catchy and in most cases makes you want to dance. I adore this song because it describes the way I want to feel some day in a relationship. So there you have it, I'm a hopeless romantic.

That was slightly embarrassing to admit.

C'est la vie.

Friday, November 14, 2008

bloggers that I came across

I was wondering if I would ever find 5 frequent bloggers that I would enjoy reading, but alas here they be:

. clevergirlgoesblog.blogger.com

She puts a funny spin on everyday life. Though she's I'm guessing in her thirty's she reminds me of my best friend. My best friend happens to be a sarcastic smartass, but that's part of the reason I love her. I appreciate this trait in others :]. Not to mention her overall lingo is similar to C's.

. haeshu.blogger.com
Fashion. Photography. And a writing style that is similar to mine (at least I think it is.) I usually write/type in just lower case letters (unless it's for something formal or this blog), so it's kind of nice to see other people doing the same.

. ifitshititshere.blogger.com
I'm constantly updated on the latest and greatest in the art world. There are so many original ideas to find here, it's mind boggling.

. pictureyear.blogger.com
I've always been a fan of learning about random facts and events so this tickles that fancy. This blog talks about anything from Guitar Hero, to Obama, to Marilyn Monroe, to a film about the royal crown in England. Fascinating is one word that could describe it.

.hybridcarblog.com
I saw this blog as an opportunity to learn a bit more about the cars that are known for being better for the environment than other cars (and I'm all about having a cleaner environment.)





Wednesday, November 12, 2008

2nd Posting (isn't this a creative title?)

The part of myself that procrastinates really wants to be typing this tomorrow morning, but I shall persevere. The day began with me hitting the snooze button. I ate cereal while checking my facebook as I often do. I left in a rush because I waited until last minute to organize my backpack, opps. Then I asked the random guy across the street if I missed the 75, though I feel a pinch of guilt because once I told him he missed the bus only to have it whiz by a few minutes later. That was an accident though, honestly. On the way to where we transfer downtown Brad and I complain about the cold and the snow. I say I'm starting to get used to it (but later in the day freeze my arse off.) and that I like the snow when it's fresh, I could do without ice though. Harley and Jordan aren't at the bus stop I note. At school Annie shows me pictures on her laptop. I'm behind a blog in Blogging with Becky, but am catching up right now. Natalie and I joke around as we gather our presentation on Machu Picchu. We decide to do a powerpoint for brownie points :] which also means we will be working on it during lunch. In my morning rush I forgot to bring my sweats for dance, luckily Natalie has a spare pair. We're doing yoga in dance? I find that kind of surprising, but I don't mind, I would do it in my spare time if I had the motivation. In Current Events Rich tells us to take minimal notes on a packet that he hands out. I wonder if I should make a joke because I've been known for taking too many notes for Rich. (Video Production) Cadex why must we write a script about the future of the U.S.? And finally I reach the last class of the day, painting 2 with Booka. I begin drawing the Greek Goddess Hestia, then erase everything, and re-draw it, this process continues the entire period. "I get to go home." is the word after we leave class "I get to go to work." I reply. I start work a half hour early and therefore do not have time to eat. There is a larger rush than usual as 25% proceeds go to Sibley's dance team. I get antsy as 8 o'clock nears because I have an errand to run and then lots of blogging to do. I gobble up my delicious penne rosa as my mom and I drive to target to buy notebooks and such. My mom takes the long way home, the rush was for nothing. And I digress. Night loves.

(Am I the only one who thinks I lead a boring life? This is what a lot of my days are actually like.)

Let the blogging begin

Hello you, whoever you are... here are a few things I think you should know about me:

Some of my favorite MOVIES include- Dead Poets Society, Mrs. Doubtfire, Saved, PeeWee Herman's Big Adventure, The Devil Wears Prada, Bourne Identity, Girl Interrupted, Borat, Rebel Without a Cause, Lord of the Rings, Kid, Castaway, Harold and Maude, Monsters Inc., etc.

Some BOOKS that I enjoy are- A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. One Hundred Years of Sollitude. Fallen Angel. Lady Gwendemere's Fan. Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants series. Harry Potter series. +++
*I'm currently reading Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes.

Here are some Television SHOWS that I like-
.Gilmore Girls
.Law and Order
.Stylista
.Friends
.Gossip Girl
.Seinfield
.That 70's Show
.90210
.Scrubs
.The Office

MUSIC. You asked for it, this is going to be long-
Augustana; {BEATLES}; Blink-182; Blondie; Bowie; Duffy; Cold War Kids; {Rage Against The Machine}; Paramore; Nas; Gnarls Barkley; Foo Fighters; Outkast; The Rolling Stones; The Clash; The White Stripes; The Racounteurs; Rhianna; Sean Paul; Queen; Ting Tings; The Kooks; {The VINES}, Louie Armstrong; Vitamin C; Communist Daugther; The Shins; Red Hot Chili Peppers; The Killers; Jet; Linkin Park; Norah Jones; {Kanye West}, Jeff Buckley; Dandy Warhols; Hoobastank; {Bob MARLEY}; The Mamas and The Papas, The Kinks; O.A.R; {Louie Armstrong}; Big Bad Voodoo Daddy; Toyko Police Club; {WEEZER}; Metro Station; The Cliks; Papa Roach; Ice Cube; Maroon 5; Nirvana; Sublime; Fergie; Biggie; The Supremes; The Temptations; Ella Fitzgerald; Eminem; Black Eyed Peas; The Kinks; Madonna; Sean Paul; Prince; Led Zepplin; {FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS} & so much more.

A couple of my favorite QUOTES are as follows-

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon
-I value this quote because it reminds to stay flexible and realize plans don't always work out the way we expect them to, sometimes things get in the way and bring about even better plans.

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!" -Emerson
-
This quote rings very true to my ears. I think it's incredibly profound.

I have a lot of interests, some of them include- swimming, singing, practicing yoga, cooking, climbing, dancing, soccer, photography, architecture, downhill skiing, Christmas, shopping, poker, making cards, doodling, graphic design, history, rain and thunderstorms, travel, design in general, acting, accents, linguistics, Italians, air high fives, amusement parks, dressing up for no reason, attractive boys, listening to music, making collages, artsy places, psychology, and so on.

Loves- ART & ARTISTS. FOOD!: ICE CREAM+CAKE+PASTA+DILL PICKLE CHIPS (Great, now I'm hungry.) THE OCEAN. LAUGHING. LOVE.

dislikes= arrogance, ignorance, loud/brash/rude people, people who always have to be right, liars, assumptions.

My history- songs->poetry->stories->scripts

I think that about covers the basics.