unemployment shock

553, ooo unemployed is a shocking number and an appalling situation. It's unbelievable to see our country, that has always been such a strong one, going through such hardships. The news feed our fear as they question "Is this an economic crisis, how bad will it get?" and economy advisers give vague or troubling responses. They don't even know when our economy will shape up. My mother has been looking for a job for roughly a year (with a few road bumps) which makes me nervous for her when she doesn't have my social security check to help pay the bills. I have a job now that I'm not too fond of, but am reluctant to change jobs because there aren't many available. I'm worried that if I get a new job I will be layed off first because I've held the position the shortest amount of time. And that's just the effect it has on my household. Many of my friends have been in search for a job for quite a while as well. Numerous people like my friend C have to find another job just to pay the rent. I can't imagine what larger families are going through. I wonder what people have to go without in order to survive. It's kind of scary to think, if this isn't rock bottom what will be?

Update on employment news, did anyone hear about the number of health care facilities that had to let people go because patients weren't coming in as often? I find this outrageous.

Me, my blog, and I

Today's task: Evaluate my blog.

When I compose a blog my hope is to come across as smart yet still light hearted. I highly value intelligence, and strive to be knowledgeable and perceptive. I also value the ability to be easy going and have a good sense of humor. For this reason when I say someone is witty I feel it's pretty much the ultimate compliment. I feel that my blog is well composed. I try my best to have good spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I normally just proof read what I'm typing as I go along and don't re-read the entire thing after I've finished. Then later I notice one thing off with the blog and edit it. Sometimes I leave the run-on sentences because that's just the way that I write. This blog entry feels pretty sloppy to me, but I still feel pretty mentally exhausted so I'm slightly apathetic to that fact. I've shared a few things that I feel are personal in my blog because I feel that for people to truly know me they have to know some of my deeper thoughts, secrets, and things that I spend more time thinking about. I think that with everything I write descriptiveness leaks out even if I don't mean for it to. I write what I think and I think in pictures. I'm sure that I have a voice, I don't know what it is exactly. I've posted every blog required so I think that shows my commitment. I don't think I'm what most people expect me to be.

his blog, her blog, your blog

{The blogger that I looked into today seems to have a very unique personality. She has odd interests that I find endearing and quite fascinating :]. Her blogs reveal a vunerable side, giving me a bit more insight into who she is. I feel closer to her by reading what she has to say (that came out sounding kind of creepy). Her use of language is very her. The style comes across as witty, the spelling+grammar is decent. She has vivid writing, often full of emotion. I think her intended audience is mostly for Becky and peers. Her blogs seem to all have the same style, there's definitely a voice there. I wish she would post more frequently, I like what she has to say!
I think this blogger is formal when she needs to be, but she mostly just writes the way she wants to and that tends to be casual.}

self loathing. sleep it away.

Lately I've been in a major funk. Today I feel really rotten. I just want to fall asleep and wake up to good times and happiness, a time where things seem good again. My perception of life feels really bleak, I feel depressed and don't understand why. It's not like my life is horrible, it's quite good in comparison to others hardships, but I still can't shake the feeling of sadness and some anger. I'm trying really hard to stop feeling like this, but nothing seems to be working. I hate that. What am I doing with my life? I'm already 18 and feel like I've done nothing to truly impact the world. I want to do great things. I want to be famous, but I'm just me. I want life to be an adventure, but my life feels so dull and repetitive. I sometimes feel like a failure. I have major self esteem issues at times, mostly on days like this. I'm constantly losing or forgetting important things, and wonder how I would deal if I actual had a busy life. I'm upset with myself and the way my life is going. I keep saying that I will do things out of character, out of the norm, and not care what people think, but I always play it safe. I think of all the possible downsides to a situation and then I don't go through with it. I don't like risks. Risks that reveal who I am, scars and all, because I feel ugly on the inside and can't let anyone else see that part of me. Afraid to fall, can't handle rejection. I've slowly become more open than I used to be, but I don't feel like it's enough. I can never do anything good enough in my own eyes and it really hurts. I wish I could just let go. I want to scream, but no, I have to say composed. I really want to just say "fuck it" some days and not get out of bed, what's the point? I know I'll regret it later, so I get up grudgingly. I know things get better eventually. Will there ever be a day that I don't have to look to the future for happiness, can't it be now?

magentic poetry

Magnetic Poetry goes here:

(1)
scream, throw,
only see some music,
pop,
metal.
you're too young,
so they say.
observe old rhythm.
question genius.
why suffer his pain?
approach beauty.
free, wild, and real.
surreal soon.
original icon dead.
you feel
raw,
vividly mad.
our life is a mess,
at best.
sing softly.
break this
always rigid demand.
form dream
through my passion.

(2)
represent
which you understand.
alleviate
your valid sound.
never see too soon.
must reach curious.
delve.
solution through mind.
say my opinion scholar.

Surrounding language

The language I'm immersed in seems to be a variety. Most of the people around me speak in some sort of slang and often times use incorrect grammar. I must admit that it bugs me a bit when people use language in the wrong context, but I suppose I shouldn't say anything because I don't have the best spelling or grammar either. I also have friends who you could call grammar freaks who make me feel like I need to spell check everything I send to them. I feel like there's going to be judgement no matter how I speak so I try to speak well. By presenting myself this way I appear more educated, or smart if you will. The same goes for when other people speak well. I respect people more for speaking this way, even in comfortable settings. On the other hand to some people that would seem pretentious. When someone says something like "ain't" you have to wonder if they are choosing to use that word, or if they really don't know that they should have said "is not, are not, or am not." I suppose the key to language is code switching, adapting your dialect to the situation.

Words from yesterday~
cantankerous: bad-tempered
machismo: manliness
lingua : tongue
*I can't really see myself using these on a regular basis, I just thought they were fun words.

Thanksgiving Weekend

Thursday- I'm a vegetarian so Thanksgiving generally isn't a big deal to me (seeing that it revolves around turkey), but I wanted to get in the spirit this year as well as enhance my cooking skills, this year I wanted to prepare a traditional thanksgiving meal. My dad and I had quite a large selection of food for two people to eat. I'll be honest and tell you that I was pretty grossed out by the turkey at first. I became squeamish at the thought of spreading butter and poultry seasoning inside of the skin, but I "sucked it up" and just did it. I didn't mind it as much after the initial disgust when touching it, in that small amount of time I guess I got used to it. Other items on the menu included: antique broccoli, which is mostly broccoli and carrots with melted cheddar cheese sauce, grated parm, and bread crumbs. Celery and onion stuffing, mashed potatoes, and a cranberry pineapple desert. We also made pumpkin pie from scratch and added vanilla ice cream on top of it. All and all a pretty good meal. My least favorite was the antique broccoli, not sure what it was about it because I usually really like broccoli and cheese. My absolute favorite thing was definitely the pie. It was sooo good! We had an early dinner because by the time everything was ready to eat we were starving. After that I spent the rest of the night watching tv shows on the computer.

Friday-Don't remember. That's kind of scary. Sometimes I find that I don't remember entire days and that leads me to the question, what the hell is wrong with me? And I know what you're thinking, it wasn't a blackout, which makes this forgetful business even more of a mystery. I'm pretty sure I went to work though.

Saturday-Lazed around in pj's. Had Thanksgiving round 2 with my mom and my uncle Steve (mostly consisting of leftovers from the Thanksgiving with my dad). My uncle gave me his old Mac :)! I was expecting a computer from the early 90's, but was pleasantly surprised to find a fairly new computer.

Sunday-My day consisted of the eternal process of cleaning my room. The reason I have found for constantly cleaning my room is that each morning I spread out multiple articles of clothing on my bed to decide what to wear, then of course I don't have time to put everything back because in the morning I sleep in as late as possible (giving myself that extra then minutes of sleep, it makes a life changing difference, didn't you know that?). That night I'm too exhausted to put the stuff away and so it gets pushed off onto the floor. This happens all week, hence the clothing pile on my floor. Weekends I usually have a few hours to tidy up and if I'm not too lazy I do so. I also went to work and worked on my blog. As I was about to go to bed early I remembered that I should get on amazon to make some Christmas purchases while the black Friday sales were still on. At this point I was in a state of sleepy confusion and didn't buy anything after all. 10:00-I attempt to fall asleep. 12:30- still awake, shit, I'm going to be tired tomorrow and I have to stay up late because I close at work. Stress.

Now for the rest of the assignment...
cantankerous: bad-tempered
machismo: manliness
lingua : tongue
These were all pretty easy to figure out, but they were new to me.

Part of my everyday vocab:
.definitely
.lame
.awesome
.that sucks
and
.for sure
= Recycled sayings.